::knock knock::
“Come on in, it’s open.”
“Hi Mom.”
“Have you ever heard of people having sex with a dog?”
“……… ………. ……………….. …………… ………… …………….. ………………….. ……………………………….. ………………. ……………………. …………….. …………… okay, Mom, I’ll see you next week.”
“You get back here!”
“I don’t want to talk about dog sex.”
“I don’t want to talk about dog sex, I just asked if you had heard about it.”
“Yes, I’ve heard about it. Now do you want to go to Fred Meyer or Safeway today?”
“Where did you hear about it?”
“Fred Meyer? Safeway? Probably in a t.v. ad.”
“Ha. Ha. You know I meant dog sex.”
“I don’t want to talk about dog sex.”
“I don’t want to talk about dog sex, I just want to know where you heard about it.”
“I don’t know Mom. I think the first time I became aware that people had sex with animals was when someone was joking around about a donkey show.”
“What’s a donkey show?”
“I don’t want to talk about donkey shows with you.”
“I don’t want to talk about donkey shows, I just want to know what they are.”
“Mom, that qualifies as talking about donkey shows with you.”
“You’re so mean. You know I don’t have a computer to ask about stuff like this. I suppose I could just ask strangers in Safeway…”
“Ugh, and you would too. Okay Mom, a donkey show is a sex show where a person performs.. performs.. ah.. acts on a donkey.”
“Take me to one.”
“NO! I don’t even know if they’re real, and if they are they take place across the border.”
“I’ll pay for the gas to Vancouver.”
“Mom, across the border in Mexico, not Canada.”
“Oh. Well that makes more sense. You don’t hear about too many donkeys in Canada. Maybe Canadians have moose shows.”
“I’m not taking you to a moose show either.”
“All right. Maybe we should go to Fred Meyer today. They’re having a good sell on Swiffer pads.”
“…….. …………. …………….. ………….. ………… I can’t stand it, why were you asking me about dog sex?”
“I don’t want to talk about dog sex.”
“I don’t want to talk about dog sex, I just want to know why you were asking about it.”
“Deven I think that qualifies as talking about dog sex.”
“Mom, don’t be a smarty pants. Really, why are you talking about this? Did someone propose having a dog sex night in the activity room?”
“They won’t allow any event in the activity room that could stain the carpet.”
“Are you going to tell me why?”
“If you must know, Tansy was telling us about her uncle that had an unnatural attachment to his poodle.”
“Oh my God…”
“I thought she just meant he bought his poodle little dog dresses or maybe hats, but apparently he had…”
“Mom, that’s okay, I get it.”
“…what he called ‘Poodle-Oodle-Noodle Time’….”
“Oh my God. Okay, okay, I get it.”
“…the ‘noodle’ was the dog’s you know what…”
“Mom! Really, I understand, you can quit…”
“…he said that the dog needed to relax at least once a week…”
“Mom, we’re done with this conversation now.”
“…we can’t decide if it’s illegal to do that.”
“I think it is.”
“How is that different from what bull breeders do?”
“I don’t know. Intent?”
“That must be what protects Canadians from going to jail for the moose shows. They probably just say they’re breeders.”
“Mom, it’s not Canad… you know what, never mind. You’re right, they must say they’re breeders.”
“Tansy did say her uncle’s poodle was the sweetest thing. I wonder if Poodle-Oodle-Noodle Time would work on Mrs. Dawson’s Jack Daniels terrier. That dog is high strung.”
“I want to be there when you suggest that treatment to Mrs. Dawson. Okay, are we done with this topic?”
“I don’t know why you’re asking me, you’re the one that wanted to talk about it.”